Why do I get so angry?

My dance with anger is not sexy. 

 
There has recently been quite a bit of anger showing up with many of my clients and I am all too familiar with it.

I can sense it simmering within me, bubbling up to my third Chakra.

I call it the anger knot. It’s that familiar companion, the emotion that many of us cling to for safety, creating a barrier that keeps people at arm's length. 

It's a dance I know all too well, shaped by childhood experiences and of course, the cosmic alignment of stars (I am the fiery Aries). For me, control equals safety. When I can manipulate how others perceive me and orchestrate my surroundings, I feel secure.

But when that control slips and I don't feel safe, my anger rushes full force. It pushes everyone away, reinforcing the belief that nobody wants to be close.

Yet, beneath the anger is a longing for something simpler: a hug, a moment of compassion, and the reassurance of safety in the vulnerability. 

Anger is about confronting the uncomfortable truth. Standing in front of the mirror seeing my hurt five-year-old self and realizing her rhythm is out of sync. The dance with anger isn't sexy; it's raw and oftentimes can be hurtful.   

The more I stand there, in the feelings, the more I can unravel the underlying emotions, the sadness, the hurt, the TRUTH. 

And I can see and feel that I am ultimately safe.

Anger is a feeling that I wasn’t taught to experience. I don’t know anyone who was taught to feel and honor anger. Most of us were taught to push it down, so those around us could be comfortable. 

I'm grateful for my inner work which helps me to recognize its signs. I've learned to embrace the emotions that come up, to sit with them, and have dialogue with them. This journey has transformed into a profound dance. When that anger knot shows up, hurtful words can come spewing from my mouth.

But if I’m conscious and can catch them and take a sidestep instead of jumping into the cha-cha, I grow more aware with each occurrence. 

I have finally learned the power in the pause. The outburst isn't worth it. It's merely my own fear, my discomfort in relinquishing control over my environment. 

Anger is not my favorite dance partner, but it has been one of my greatest teachers. I’ve learned the more I honor the underlying emotions, the grip of anger loosens, I am less triggered and I find more peace. 

When we suppress anger and underlying emotions as they come up, they become energetically stored within us, inevitably leading to future issues – hence the anger bubble and the imperative need to release it.

What to do when you are angry? 

Honor the Anger – Just don’t dance with it for too long. 

Overthinking about the “incident” that caused the anger can put us into fight/flight/freeze. All our energy is pushed to our extremities attempting to keep us safe from the attack that isn't happening. We cause unnecessary stress to our bodies over thoughts. 

If we allow it to go on for too long it may create health problems. 

If we continue to feed the anger and underlying emotion, over time, it becomes a habit and then it becomes our personality, as Joe Dispenza would say. 

Most of us know a lot of bitter humans. It doesn’t have to be that way: One conscious thought when triggered can turn into a side step and spin into something that is more in alignment with how we want to feel and experience life.   

When we embrace and acknowledge our anger and all the deeper feelings as they come up, we liberate them from our physical being, allowing us to heal and enjoy our human experience. 

How do I stop being so angry? 

Naming the feelings helps and it is a great place to begin – for some of us it’s very specific, for some of us it’s not clear because we haven’t learned to dig in yet and see past the anger. 

What are you avoiding with your anger? 

Hurt, Betrayal, Fear, Insecurity, Frustration, Sadness, Powerlessness, Unmet Needs and Expectations, Guilt, Shame? 

If you need a safe space and guidance to identify and process the underlying issues and defuse your anger bubble without hurting you or others, hop on my schedule this month, or join us in Denver for a powerful day of connection and healing at Sacred Seasons Spring!

Love to see you there!

Much Love, 

Dena