8 ways to shift into more Authentic Relationships

"Did I really just manifest yet another controlling, mean a$$ boss?"


Why yes, yes I did.😆

That was me years ago before I fully embraced these truths about (in)authenticity in my relationships, and took responsibility for my happiness.

Recently, I had a session with a powerful client who wanted to discuss many of her relationships. We discussed just about ALL of the relationships. The relationships with her boss, coworkers, children, siblings, friends, and her partner. 
 
As we reviewed these connections, I guided her toward a better understanding of how to deal with some of the challenges that she faced. So, of course, she inspired this month’s topic. 

I am always going to tell you to focus on ease. However, I know relationships are not always easy. If they’re too complicated, or difficult, and you find yourself unable to be your authentic self, it might be time for a reassessment. 

Life is about the experience. 

Let’s start from the top: Everything is energy. Energy has a frequency. How you are vibrating is what you most likely will attract. If you find yourself being triggered, that is a sign that you must look within. Ask, what is it about this person or situation that is triggering me? Sometimes we have to dig deep. 

I have had quite a few bosses that operated out of control and fear. Believe it or not, I could not understand why I was attracting “MEAN” bosses. (I’m laughing at this now) I was attracting controlling bosses who took it to new heights. However, it was still my mirror to learn from. When I learned to control less, I was able to view them with a touch of compassion for their fears. 

The same goes for “trying to keep the peace” because conflict makes us uncomfortable. Guess what we attract? This is not us keeping peace; this is avoidance and conflict will continue to show up until we are no longer triggered by it. The goal is to work towards comfort and authenticity. 

Gary Brecka, a Human Biologist and biohacker, talks about the frequency of authenticity, suggesting it is the highest frequency to leave the human body. While I'm not entirely sold on that idea, authenticity is undeniably attractive. It doesn't mean perfection; it signifies feeling safe within our bodies, often indicating a journey towards self-love. In authentic relationships, you don't have to play games or feed egos – you can be exclusively yourself and be accepted for it. 

Authenticity is easier said than done because you must learn to Love you AND you must be comfortable with hard conversations until they become “authentic” conversations. This is you speaking your truth for understanding. Not shaming or defending. Sometimes our bodies freak out during these conversations because we tap into emotions that want to hide. I promise, the more you do it, the easier it gets. 

For Authentic relationships, please do not shame your person or play the victim. Please do not hurt your person because you are hurting, but practice empathy and imagine what must have happened in their childhood to cause them to behave from fear.

Here are 8 ways to reassess your approach to authenticity and nurture better relationships: 

Honest Communication: Authenticity thrives on honest and open communication. Express your thoughts, feelings, and needs openly, creating a space for your person to do the same. Honest communication fosters understanding and strengthens the connection. 

Vulnerability: Being authentic means allowing yourself to be vulnerable. Share your fears, dreams, and insecurities with your partner. Vulnerability builds trust and intimacy, creating a bond that goes beyond surface-level interactions. 

Set Boundaries: Authentic relationships respect individual boundaries. Clearly define what you're comfortable with and what crosses the line. This ensures a healthy balance between togetherness and personal space. 

Accept Imperfections: Authenticity embraces imperfections. Understand that both you and your partner are human, with flaws and quirks. Embrace these imperfections, as they are part of what makes each of you unique. 

Celebrate Differences: Each person brings their own set of values, beliefs, and interests to a relationship. Authenticity involves celebrating these differences rather than trying to change or control them. Embrace the diversity within your connection. 

Self-Reflection: Regularly reflect on your own authenticity. Understand your evolving self and how it aligns with your relationship. This self-awareness contributes to personal growth and a more genuine connection with your partner. 

Embrace the journey: Remember, authenticity is a continual process, not a destination. It's about being true to yourself and allowing your relationship to evolve organically. As you both grow individually, your connection can deepen, creating a fulfilling and authentic bond. OR they may simply NOT be in frequency so you may need to get creative with the relationship until you are able to end it. This is not always easy if it is a boss or co-worker.   

Always come back to you - Your happiness is your responsibility. 

Life is about the experience. Let’s do our best to enjoy our daily experiences and not give our energy to those who are not in alignment with our desires. Don’t confuse this with the “if they don’t like me, then I don’t need them” attitude. Relationships are about growth, compromise, and connection. Growth and self-awareness are always within you. 

I recommend watching Gary’s 50-second video on Authenticity - and taking on one or all of these 8 to reassess and work on in a relationship that you would most like to grow into.

Join us for our upcoming workshops and retreats to deepen authentic connections with like-minded, loving humans! We'd love to have you with us.

Much Love,

Dena