You won't be happy until you do this!

I don't think that I ever really knew what an apology was until I met my husband. I just did not grow up in a house where we truly apologized. We may have been told to apologize to a sibling for not being considerate, but we did not apologize for the heavy ego-related experiences.

I didn't know how to react when my husband apologized at first. Apparently, it was his normal. What a concept, right?! When I began to try it, I am fairly sure my body went into subtle seizures because admitting wrong was just so foreign. Humans are weird. Anyway, after time, it began to become my normal.

 It gave me permission to make mistakes. I am sure that is when I decided vulnerability was sexy. 

Recently I have had a new ah-ha moment. It may sound silly. They usually do once they become so obvious, but I'm sharing anyway because it has felt so good. I have shared in the past the power of doing the hard things first so that it frees up your mind space.

This ah-ha technique is along the same lines, except it has to do with uncomfortable emotions: now when I am not comfortable with a choice or action that has affected another person, I correct it as soon as possible. Especially those stories that pop into your head at three in the morning. 

When life is happening and our responses come from ego - yikes! - or we just find ourselves tired and overwhelmed, so we are not as patient as we would like, this is a great technique: Fix It Now! Correct your wrong as soon as you get that knot in your gut or find yourself beating up on yourself. 

I was recently with A LOT of people for many days and was completely exhausted on our last evening together. One person in the group pulled my energy most of the time and triggered me a bit. One of my irritations was that she kept telling people that THEIR behavior was wrong. Huh, (insert long pause here.) I wonder why this triggered me? - I am still laughing. Yes, my shit that I continue to work through. Feel free to laugh with me! 

That evening, I was extremely short with her and a bit rude. I just didn't have the capacity and found myself in an "I don't care" mode. Well, I woke up early the next morning and felt so much shame. THIS is not my normal, nor is it how I ever want to be perceived. I could have attempted the "self-compassion" route and given my inner child permission to be human, but that didn't feel right. I have somewhat outgrown the "who was right" in this scenario game, so I didn't even try that.

Instead, I waited for an appropriate hour and texted this human. I apologized for my behavior. And I exhaled. 

Because I have been doing this for a while now, it has caused me to be a bit more hyper-aware and conscious of my actions. In another recent situation, a dear loved one made a choice that I did not agree with - go ahead and laugh here. I made an unloving comment and immediately felt it. My next response to her was, "I'm sorry." 

Friends, please give this a try if this resonates with you. 

I am clearing the current embarrassment and shame almost in real-time, so that it NEVER enters my future.

I am working on creating a better me and you won't be happy unless you do the same. I KID!! 

I see and adore you!! Keep shining and being human! 

Much Love,

Dena Gould