Have you been trained to NOT trust yourself?

Client Story - "Bob" shares that he is seeing someone new but is not sure if there is any long-term potential. He says his partner is nice but then begins to share some of her behaviors that are a little off-putting.

When I ask what his intuition is telling him, Bob responds that he does not know. He states he is being confused by the knot in his gut and is not sure whether it corresponds to ending the relationship or it is him being rusty in the dating scene.

He keeps coming back to the idea that he should pursue this relationship because as we are often told growing up, “anything worth having is worth working for.”

While this may apply to certain aspects of our lives, it should not be a blanket statement. 

After listening to his verbalized internal struggle and asking many questions for Bob to find his truth, he still is not able to conclude what he should do. So, I suggest to Bob that questionable behavior and the knot in his stomach are red flags.   

Bob is a reflection of many of us. We do not recognize the red flags or we question our gut reaction because, over time, we have been trained to not trust our own instincts.  

Have you experienced a situation where you know someone is upset and when you ask them what is wrong, they reply with “Nothing, I’m fine,” and they may even gaslight you? You then begin to question yourself because you can obviously sense the tension/uncomfortable energy, but you cannot find the source.

This can be common with significant others or close family members who either do not want to feel burdensome or their ego will not allow them to be vulnerable. I think most of us can relate to these types of responses; we like to tell ourselves that we will bring it up when the “timing is right”. 

However, it is important for us to not take it personally. Let’s do our best to become more aware of our insight and not give our intuitive power to others. Sometimes awareness is exactly what our spirit needs. 

Allow yourself to honor what you feel even though you may not receive affirmation. 

We ALL need time to feel ready to discuss feelings if we even choose to open up at all. Sometimes we do not understand what we are feeling, so how can we discuss it? When you sense someone is having difficulty, then please allow for Grace. If you are being gaslit or made to feel bad, then I suggest creating better boundaries, based on the relationship. It is okay to send them Love from afar. 

Despite your experience, please do your best to take steps to truly get to know yourself and trust your instincts (learn how here). You don’t always have to be right but do your best to be safe and empowered. 

Much love and Keep Shining! 

Dena Gould