Why You Are Not Healing!

I have read and listened to so many “better yourself” books that sometimes when I start a new one I roll my eyes a little bit (oops ) and think, I already know this crap, I wish I would’ve written a book🤭 LOL! I always want to be better for myself and for you, so unless it’s a horrible book I usually try to finish it.

The latest book that I read was "The Book of Forgiving" by Desmond Tutu and Mpho Tutu. I was reading it, understanding the concept, knowing we have to release the energy blah blah blah... 

But then… 

…he begins to discuss how we need to revisit the experience and allow someone to be a witness to it to allow ourselves to feel and honor the emotions at the time so we’re not carrying the burden on our own.

I have done a lot of this work and  it is beyond humbling. 

A couple of weeks ago I went to my family reunion on my paternal side. Many of you know I have not had a relationship with my father since I was pregnant with my now 12-year-old daughter. The last time I saw him was about 10 years ago at my grandmother's funeral.

I found out two days before the reunion that he would be attending. Yes, I started briefly thinking about what could happen and I quickly got those stories out of my head. I did not create anything new. Look at me! Following my own advice.

I am happy to announce that I had zero charge in my body when I saw him. It was truly validating. On the second day, I even hugged him and told him I loved him. No expectations of any outcome just feeling very proud of myself for doing the work and receiving confirmation that I did what I needed to do.

I have come to realize that it’s just not the energy work or the emotional freedom technique (EFT), but it is also being a witness to your experience. So many of you have shared stories with me that you have not shared with anyone! I feel so honored and blessed to hold that safe space for you. 

I want to remind others that we are not meant to carry those burdens alone. 

We’re not meant to carry those secrets forever. Our experiences matter! 

When we allow ourselves to be honest and share our stories and our experiences no matter how horrific or embarrassing, we free ourselves. 

Step by step, if you’re not able to do that quite yet, at least get it down on paper. Begin to write about those experiences and allow your body to release the emotions that are still there. The book suggests that you write a letter to the person who caused the suffering even if you never intend to send it. 

 We cannot hold the experiences hostage and expect to feel free.

Those people or those experiences still have the power. We have to honor the experience and take our power back. 

As you write, let the feelings rise, breathe through it, and let it dissipate. 

Say to yourself:

“I accept this experience and I accept this hurt, I know that acceptance is vital to healing.

I honor the feelings and honor the meaning in my suffering: All the things that happened to me that I had no control over taught me how/what I didn't want to be. And all the mistakes I made taught me the ways that didn't work.

I refuse to allow my past to create me now. 

I start fresh from this moment, and re-create myself as I am, without the stories.” 

Let the feelings rise, breathe through it, and let it dissipate. 

Because it doesn’t feel great to feel and honor these emotions, healing may feel like stepping backward. It’s not regression! It’s release. Sometimes, you must “feel the crap” to feel better. It’s so worth it.

I love and honor you for showing up and doing the work because you want to live a life that feels good.

Much Love!

Dena