You know what I hate about those Facebook couples?...!

As we know, romantic relationships are not always easy. The pictures that you see of me and my husband on Facebook are usually during a happy moment or we are just smiling for the picture. There has been a lot of hard work behind the scenes over the years. These are 6 tips that have helped us. 

1.Be a team.   

It’s not a competition. Wishing failure on your partner is not heart connecting. My husband, Scott would always say, “I won.” Those two words would grab hold of my third chakra, shake it up and set it on fire. Yes, just his competitive nature, but a true trigger for me.   

When we can see one another as teammates then we tend to work together as such. When one of us has had a challenging day, the other will step up with kids, chores or just allowing space for quietness. When you know your partner has your back, you feel safe to have your vulnerable moments. 

2. No Shaming! 

Once I got in good with Brene Brown and learned all about shame, I realized that Scott and I were experts at shaming one another. Being the brilliant person that I am, I decided to bite my tongue for a good two weeks. Now that I look back, I just laugh, but it was seriously hard to not shame my husband when I was hurt. 

Now, I didn’t choose to hold back and stop shaming him because it was the right thing to do. I did it so I could say, “that really hurt. Did you mean to shame me? Please don’t shame me.” It is true. Hurt people will hurt people because have not learned to sit in our hurt-ness.

This was a big lesson for the both of us. We still jokingly say, “please don’t shame me” from time to time, but now it gives us the giggles and the energy always lightens up right away.   

3.No one needs to be wrong. 

This was all my lesson. My left brain has kept me safe. I can always see the big picture and my need to control it all makes my way the only way. After years of dealing with my logic, my fed-up husband said, “just because you don’t agree with me doesn’t make me wrong.” My thought at the time, uh yeah it does! I am logical and have experience, knowledge – etc. Then he said it again in a different manner. 

 Just because I do it differently, doesn’t make me wrong. 

This is where I got quiet. I just stood there and allowed the “ewws” to fill my body. It was hard to not add to the negative self-talk. I apologized and I do my best to catch myself when I think, he doesn’t know… Because he does. He just does it differently than I do. 

4.Speak to your partner in their Love language. 

You should see the contortions on some of my client’s faces when I suggest that they speak to their partner in their
love language. Our partner’s Love language can be very different from our own, but sometimes it’s just not about us. Sometimes we need to do things for our partners from our heart to their heart so that we can cultivate our Love. 

5.Focus on what you enjoy about your partner.   

When we focus on the good, that is what we see! And when we see the good, our hearts get fed. This does not necessarily mean that we become blind or naive. We can still have the hard conversations as needed. When we come from a place of Love and connection, as opposed to anger and fear, we hear one another better. We respect one another better.

Especially when we are in long-term relationships, we tend to take the good for granted. Let’s come back to focusing on what we Love about our partner. 

6.Your partner is NOT responsible for your happiness. 

I am sure I have written about this before. THIS TIP is the most powerful. Your partner is not responsible for your happiness! He/she/they cannot think your thoughts or act on your behalf. Only you can do that! 

When you think, “if my partner would just do this or that, then I could be happy,” YOU are the cause of your suffering. Stop giving your happiness power away! Instead, please come from your heart and turn that thought into “what can I do in this moment to feel joy?”   

These 6 insights are so powerful in all our relationships (friends & family too!) and I hope you find them helpful to bring Love back to the center, and create more of it! 

I'm also pleased to announce we have opened registration for our transformational Women's Retreat in Colorado.  Details are here, and please share with the beloved Women in your lives!


Much Love,
 

Dena