Understanding the Negativity Bias

I am recovered from the Pity Party.

I would attend that party daily, so breaking the habit of being the life of the pity party was not an easy task. 

It took years because I got super creative with how I would allow it to show up. The poor me was so deeply embedded it went unnoticed for a long time but caused havoc with my immune system. 

People would see me as the bright cheery woman, but it would get dark deep within. There is a reason that I am always preaching about not allowing your thoughts to cause your suffering – because I did, and I suffered. 

Negative poor me thoughts will cloud everything. You feel like you don’t have control over your life and will find subtle ways to blame partners, work, body image, etc. for your unhappiness. 

Now I tend to irritate the hell out of people with my positive outlook and “ YOU ARE THE CREATOR OF YOUR REALITY!” type statements. I am giggling as I write this because I know our souls do not get it until we get it! 

This is human. We are literally wired for negativity. Our innate human being-ness wants us to only remember the bad stuff so we live in caution and survival mode. 

We are simply flowing with how we are naturally wired to flow. Our positive experiences get overshadowed by the negative experiences, and we remember the B.S. more vividly than the delight. And that’s why we still feel crappy and frustrated, even after doing All The Things we think we need to do to heal. 

Let's stop going with that flow!

Taking the time to acknowledge yourself in the present moment can help counterbalance this negativity bias. And understanding why we prioritize negative information and remember the crap more vividly takes away the fear and frustration when we find ourselves in this mode. 

Here are some steps to take to help move past the frustration, rebalance with a junk load of positivity, and embrace and celebrate who we are right now. 

Understand Our Negativity

Our human brains are wired to focus on negative experiences to keep us safe. We think this prepares us for the worse, but it actually attracts the experiences that we do not desire. It usually goes back to childhood when we learned how we had to prepare ourselves for safety with the subconscious agreements we create.

Once we realize that it's a shared human experience, not a personal flaw, we can redirect our energy towards what to do about it, which is... 

Pay Attention!

To counteract our negativity bias, you have to pay attention to your thoughts. Some of you may become exhausted when you realize how many negative thoughts you have. Once you catch those negative thoughts “flip and turn them” into something positive. Be mindful of your negativity and practice loving kindness, gratitude, and grace. 

Rebalance with Kindness and Gratitude

The more self-compassion and gratitude you add to your life, the more negativity you replace with Light. Talk to that sweet child within you and give yourself permission to make mistakes and have fits from time to time. Practice gratitude by consciously acknowledging the positive aspects of your life, no matter how small. These practices help rewire the brain and create experiences that you desire.   

Embrace Imperfections and Learn from Mistakes

Imperfections and mistakes are part of being human. Embrace them as opportunities for growth and learning. While negative experiences tend to stick in our memory, it's important to acknowledge that they do not define our worth or potential. We don’t have to feed those stories. By accepting and learning from our mistakes, we can shift our focus towards growth and feeling better. 

Celebrate the Good Stuff!

 We simply need more joy! Make a big deal out of the good things that happen to you, all of them, no matter how small. Work hard to create the memories that you want to keep, or else your brain will fill it up with the BS and downers. Did you finish a project at work? Treat yourself to a mini-celebration. Did you choose the healthier food option at lunch? Take a deep breath, smile, and acknowledge it. Did you move your body in a gentle way today? Tell yourself well done, you did it!

By intentionally focusing on the positives and creating joy and buzz about them, you rewire your brain to feel good! 

Instead of resisting how we are, let's put our energy to these steps so we can allow ourselves to be who we are, how we are, and shine a little brighter.