Deleting these 2 words changed my life

“I’m sorry” 

Well, I didn’t delete them completely, but I shifted the way I use them and took my power back. 

I didn’t realize the power of these 2 little words - hidden by their “nice and polite-ness” they were actually subconsciously keeping me small. 

I recently had two people point out that I apologize too much. One was at our women's retreat that we had in April. I would do something silly and apologize. Zelda, a beautiful human and long-time client Loved me enough to call me on it. I, of course, thanked her and was more conscious, but didn't do the work to change my behavior. Then recently I had another friend point it out. 

It had become a subconscious habit. I started to notice how often I was apologizing. It took me years to learn how to apologize, and now I had become one of those people that I would call out for apologizing too much😆 

Years ago, when I called my client/friend Julie out for over apologizing, she actually listened and did the work to change her behavior. She later shared that she learned to say, "Thank you for being patient with me while I work through this experience. 

My "I'm sorry" wasn't because I felt I was really doing anything wrong, it was just my quick fix when I wasn't doing something right. 

My I'm sorry" was me calling myself out for my imperfections before anyone else could. Boy, do I think I'm clever! 

I have witnessed others say “I’m sorry” when it actually meant I’m feeling not enough. I need reassurance because I'm doubting myself. I’m afraid my ideas aren’t good enough, my feelings are too much, and my truth isn’t valuable enough.

While others' “I’m sorry” really meant I’m living small, I’m hiding who I am, and hiding from the conflict. I’m keeping safe. 

Too many “I’m sorry” statements can be disconnecting, fearful, isolating and shrinking down.

Here’s how I fixed it. 

I listened to Julie and I changed my words to “Thank you” instead. This felt connecting, loving, and powerful. This phrase was heart-expanding, not shrinking me down. 

Here’s how it sounded: 

“I’m sorry I can’t make it” became “Thank you for inviting me, I’m not available at that time.” 

“I’m sorry I’m late” became “Thank you for your patience. Thank you for waiting for me.” 

“I’m sorry that happened to you” became “Thank you for sharing that. That sounds so hard. I’m here for you, let’s talk?” 

When we find ourselves over-apologizing, we can dig a little bit and find out what we are actually trying to communicate and what we are really experiencing inside. Then we can sort out if it is coming from our subconscious or our soul. 

It’s a great place to quickly shift our energy and take back our power. We might find it's coming from fear, doubting ourselves, low confidence, worrying about what others think, attempting to control others and their journey, and generally hanging out in those lower vibrations. 

Questions to ask to uncover the meaning behind your “I’m sorry”:

• Am I trying to control everything, and when it doesn’t work out, I feel responsible, guilty, not good enough? 
• Am I feeling responsible for other people’s emotions, for their happiness and their journey? 
• Am I people-pleasing, and when something goes “wrong” I’m worried about how they will see me or that I’ll lose value in their eyes? 

Here’s a quick exercise to raise your vibration.

Do this when you are feeling overly sorry and stuck in low energy:  Raise Your Vibration Now

This month, notice your words! See if you are overusing a phrase, notice the feelings you are having when you say it, and see if you can unpack it, shift it, and begin to communicate more often from a place of Love. 

Much Love, 

Dena 

P.S. With all this in mind, please do not forget the power of an authentic apology from the heart ❤