I Know It's Early, But This Will Help Create Peace

The holiday season is often commercialized as smiling individuals around an elaborate dinner inside a beautifully decorated home. For some, the aforementioned is their reality but for others, it’s a time of loneliness, sadness, stress or anger. Regardless of which group you fall into, keep reading to get some ideas to help you enjoy the season.

For many, the holidays are a time to slow down and spend quality time with family and friends. However, this quality time with family may not be the highlight of your holidays and actually a dreaded reality – it can serve as a reminder of previous quarrels or maybe of loved ones who passed. Since the holidays tend to be highly emotional, our bodies remember those past experiences whether they’re good or bad. If the experiences are on the negative side of the spectrum, our bodies will subconsciously bring that "trauma" back up and it will compound year after year. There’s good news: we don't have to stay in that unsupportive space and pass that heaviness on to our children or loved ones. With patience and practice, we can change our perceptions and experiences of the holidays.

Let’s face it, sometimes it’s easier to focus on the negative. Rather than dwelling on how lonely you plan on being/feeling during the holidays, focus on what can be done to cultivate new connections. Gather a group of friends/family to talk about whatever feeds our soul or to honor a deceased Loved one. Make these experiences about connection and ALLOW it to be fun and easy. Remember, you are the creator of your happiness and there ARE things that you can do to create positive memories.

When my father and I had a falling out, I lost our annual tradition of celebrating Easter together. Change is difficult but can allow for new experiences. My beautiful friend Shana shared my love of tradition and offered to host Easter annually. Since then, she has created the BEST memories for my family and friends. Although this is an extremely busy time for Shana, she plans ahead and allows herself to have fun with it all. I am forever grateful!

Stress on its own has the potential of being very destructive but when coupled with the holiday season, it can be crippling. I have friends who strive for perfection by putting so much pressure on themselves that they just shut down. The shutdown then progresses to avoidance and then impulsiveness which leads to the last-minute purchasing of expensive, unnecessary gifts because of some internal guilt. These actions reinforce the stress. If you’re on a limited budget, don’t forget that some of the best gifts are quality time and experiences. Growing up, we made Christmas ornaments and baked sweet bread as gifts. Never underestimate the pleasure of cooking a meal for family/friends and spending time together. For neighbors, I usually bake cookies and if I dedicate the time, I can even get creative on how I wrap them. The holidays do not have to be expensive.

If you spend 15 minutes today, you can start planning your holidays and reduce the inevitable stress. Here are some guidelines to give you a head start.

Gifts:

• Make a list of people that you would like to honor during the holidays
• Decide how you would like to do this
• Plan an experience
• Prepare a meal or bake a treat
• Get crafty
• Purchase a specific type of gift
• Select a budget and stick to it – DO NOT over shop
• Plan ahead for sales on this item (e.g., research Black Friday ads the weekend before Thanksgiving and make a plan for those sale items)
• Wake up early on Thanksgiving Day and shop online. I put the turkey in the oven and get my online shopping done before everyone else wakes up. Yes, even if I had cocktails with family the night before. I know that this shopping gives me peace of mind.
• Team up with a friend or family member and divide and conquer your shopping lists.
• Set aside time to wrap and bag gifts way in advance

Family…we all have them and know that some can be more challenging than others but when we sprinkle in the holidays, it can potentially be turbulent. This is where I ask you to BE THE DAMN LIGHT. So how do I recommend you cope? First, do not create any stories. Do not feed your mind with what happened in the past and get yourself all worked up. It's over and done and can't be changed. (I used to start getting anxious days in advance and subconsciously take it out on my husband. - We are funny creatures.) Remember, everyone needs and desires Love! Sometimes they don't know how to receive it based on their own "traumatic" experiences, so they create chaos but don't feed into that energy. Set intentions for the day and remind yourself throughout the day that it's safe to be you and come from your heart. The holidays are not the time to have political or deep discussions. It is highly likely that NO ONE is going to change their way of thinking, so don't engage. If someone chooses to shame or upset you, simply state, "That didn't feel good. I want to feel good today, so let's talk about topics that connect us instead of divide us. No one needs to be upset or shamed today."

You can always THINK before you speak:

T - Is it TRUE

H - Is it HELPFUL

I - Is it INSPIRING

N - Is it NICE

K - Is it KIND

Let's create new positive emotional memories that support how we do want to feel during the holidays. Start now!

Much Love,
Dena

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