Clarity in Confidence

If she is rolling her eyes at you, I guarantee there's nothing wrong with you.

She is feeling bad about herself.

If he is shaming you or trying to pump up his chest, I promise that it's because he's being triggered. He is feeling insecure. Don't give your power to people who lack confidence in themselves. Try sending them Love instead - because they are already their own worst enemy.

We benefit the most when we pay attention to our personal judgments and triggers – the stuff that makes up OUR crap. Becoming aware and interrupting our patterns of belief (and the behaviors that follow them) can create immense clarity and dramatically improve our confidence. If we catch ourselves judging, we need to pause and put up a mirror to gain some insight:

• What is it about this person or situation that is making us uncomfortable?

• What situation from our past is surfacing or being triggered?

When we take the time to recognize and clear our own triggers and judgments, we create real growth and freedom. We become less attached to what others think of us and can begin to experience life on a much higher level.

Another example of this is thinking that we need to somehow characterize our friends so that they won't be judged. In the past, I was guilty of this as well. It was my belief that in order for my friend’s truest beauty to be seen, I needed to soften or frame what might be interpreted as a flaw or weakness. Before their introduction, I would say things like, "He's a little rough around the edges, but...”, or “She's a bit awkward, but...”

But WHAT?! That was ME judging! Good intentions or not, I was obviously fearing judgment – even if it was on behalf of someone else. Our insecurities can really take on a life of their own if we don't pause to question our ego in moments of discomfort.

From my experience, the difference between high self-esteem and self-confidence is that high self-esteem is affiliated with the ego. More often than not, when a person is fearful of others finding out they are insecure, they hide behind a persona of having high self-esteem. They need to feel validated, acknowledged and/or be seen in a certain way by something or someone outside of themselves.

Confidence has a different vibration, however. It appears in the ability to see others exactly as they are – and where they are – AND to be okay with it (not feeling any need to change the situation or person, or to somehow frame it to soften the blow, or try to protect anyone from anything). Not needing someone else to show up a certain way in our life so that we can feel safe, but rather letting them show up as they are, knowing that we, too, are enough as we are, is the epitome of presence and confident living.

Confidence is humble, and it's human. It doesn't need anyone or anything to validate it. There is nothing sexier than someone making a mistake and saying,

"Well damn! That sucked."

No cover-up, no excuses, no blaming, just sexy humanness!

Let's be present.
Let's be kind.
Let's be human.
….and let’s be sexy this month!

Love and hugs,
Dena

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