Friends, Betrayal, and an Electric Saw...

Recently, something happened involving one of my children that affected me far more deeply than I expected. My child experienced racism from a family that we have known and trusted for years. My heart broke wide open for my child because I am all too familiar with this experience.  

I can handle a lot when it's directed at me. But when something hurts my kid, a completely different part of me comes alive. 

This didn't only hurt because of what happened to my baby, but it surprisingly brought up some of my old wounds that I had forgotten about. You know, all the old shit we bring up in our sessions together? I cried for my child, but also felt the old scars still deep within me. So of course, that made me even more pissed because apparently, I have more of my own clearing to work through. 

I found that I was good during the day, but not so much at 3AM. That family kept finding their way into my thoughts in the middle of the night. I would get pulled back into anger, hurt, disbelief, and judgment. 

My go-to method to clear the thought? An electric saw. Yup, visually pulled it out and cut the energy. Sometimes I would have to pull it out about five times in five minutes, but I didn’t give up. I stopped the thought as soon as I caught it. And guess what? It worked. Not immediately, but by day three at 3AM I was good. No more power to that family. 

It took me this much work to move through the pain and get it out of my energy field, and I've been doing this work for decades. Imagine what this did to my child. Some things are just too hard to put into words, so that's why I am focusing more here on energy hygiene, and how it can save you from letting the experiences of life send you spiraling.  

My energy hygiene didn't mean convincing myself that what happened was okay. It didn't mean forgiving the action, spiritually bypassing my anger, or pretending I wasn't hurt. 

It meant that I knew I didn’t want to feed a “story” that only took my power. It wasn’t happening to my child or myself anymore. Refeeding it only fed the hurt. I cannot change that family, and I have zero desire to try.   

So when the thoughts came, I consciously interrupted that connection and brought my energy back to me. 

We can't control what people reveal about themselves. However, we can decide how much continued access their behavior gets to our inner world. I know it’s not easy, but time and time again I prove to myself that it works. 

It’s not always perfect. In the past I have sent people Love and released them. I didn’t send Love this time. I was petty. Ha. I sent judgment their way and thought, I get to choose who I share my Light with and that felt good in the moment.   

You can condemn a behavior without carrying the person who did it.

Ok, now it’s your turn:

Who or what are you repeatedly reconnecting yourself to simply because you keep replaying what happened? 

Maybe it's a family member, ex, coworker, betrayal, argument, injustice, or something somebody said years ago. 

Notice what happens in your body when their name or the memory appears. If your body responds, then ask: 

Do I want to keep giving this my energy? 

Life is going to affect you. Energy hygiene won't stop that, but it can help you notice sooner when you've been pulled off center and know what to do to come back to yourself. 

I can love my child fiercely. I can acknowledge what happened. I can honor what it awakened in me. And I can still choose not to carry someone else's ugliness forward.

 And I am positive that one day I will be able to send them Love. 

And you?! I'm sending you Much Love, right now

Thanks for taking the time,

Dena