Crappy experiences and their damn lessons!

I was freaking out and screaming, "What the hell was he thinking?"

I had been having a rant and my husband looked at me and said, "You have to stop bringing all of that negative energy into this space." I am pretty sure my face contorted.

WHAAAAAT?! Was it Freaky Friday? Did we just switch roles?

I sure did get quiet quickly….

My rage had bubbled over after a series of events that led up to us having to evict someone from our rental property. The rental in question was my first condominium home purchase, which we had lived in together for many years, and I was heartbroken, frustrated, and obviously triggered. In this beyond-frustrating moment, we were supposed to be camping with family and friends - but now we were stuck cleaning up a huge mess.

I was sharing the story with my girlfriends of how my husband had held space for me in this moment of absolute overwhelm when Susie asked me how I thought forgetting to practice discernment had caused me such an extreme lesson.

Damn her! Discernment had been the ‘vocabulary word of the month’ and, while Susie had previously shared with me about her definition and experience with discernment, it took me a minute to wrap my brain around the profound value of the word.

Her question REALLY settled in my soul.

How WAS my inability or unwillingness to use discernment causing my pain and confusion?

When I sat with it, I realized I had wanted a quick fix with this tenant. He was a friend of a friend that needed help, but he had bad credit. He could fix things, however, and well I just happen to be a ‘helper’! I had decided to ‘help’ him by letting him move in and having him remodel the kitchen and fix other things to help us. As it turned out, he never paid the rent on time, made a huge mess, added more work, and ultimately cost us more money than if we had done the upgrades ourselves.

"I took the easy way out and didn't treat this as a business" was my response to Susie - and I had thought the conversation was over. Instead, she responded by suggesting that I meditate on it and see if I find anything more. I was wondering what else I could possibly discern from the situation?

To my surprise, after meditating and allowing the wisdom to come through, I was able to discern that I had not been giving loving energy to the things that matter. I had let so much pile up over the years (as many of us do) that life had become too overwhelming. I can't be with the beautiful things because I can't see through the crap. I was so surprised - yet somehow relieved - to discover another layer?!

After I gave the realization a moment to land, it made complete sense. I always preach what I need to practice. I'm always talking about taking 15 minutes to clear something. I need to get more serious about the things that matter to me - and let go of the material things that are blocking the view.

Crappy experiences and their damn lessons! What can you discern from your crappy experiences? Please share your discoveries - I love it when you share your insights and experience with our community!

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